New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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