I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize