I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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