This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize