I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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