I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
