is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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