I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
