And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize