so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
