Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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