Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
