Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Randomize
