I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
