she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
