i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
