she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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