I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
