He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
