I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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