i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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