My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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