At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
