Dual....:-)
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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