can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
