Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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