Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
