Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
