i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
