please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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