I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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