based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she looked like the before picture.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
