I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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