i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
