So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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