barbara walters just said penis...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
