make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
