Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
