OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize