This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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