He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
