She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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