I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
