You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
whose parrot is this?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
