I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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