Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
