I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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