Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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