i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
