dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
