Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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