Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
