I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is my gift to your gina
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
