They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
