It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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