My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
