I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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