i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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