I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
