My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
