My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
