This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
