I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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