Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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