yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
