Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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