I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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