You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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