someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
