ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
