He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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