i love accidental penises.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
