I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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