stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
