I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
