possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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