My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
