Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
