There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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